| I don't know when or why LJ has fallen to the wayside, I just don't really feel like typing so much.
Gramma continues to be stable, the doc said shell have hills and valleys with each valley being a little lower than the one before. She's doing okay and I think she'll still be around when I go home next :) She's such a fighter, I swear that woman has 16 lives. 2 major heart attacks, quadruple bypass, congestive heart failure scares twice and this last trip to the hospital that almost did her in. Shit, she may outlive ME at this rate!
I have finally made it to Seattle. I am kind of bummed at just how much it is built up and how quirky it seems to not be. Don't get me wrong, we've found our hole-in-the-wall places and are having a blast but the amount of new condos and apartments clogging up the streets is pretty amazing. Taking in a 360 view of the city downtown I counted 12 cranes, that's a lot of new stuff going up.
Last week in Fresno yielded trips to both the Sequoia National Forest and Yosemite National Park. 20 years of waiting, wanting to see Sequoias and there they finally were! I was not disappointed. I'm glad we were there when snow is still on the ground because it allowed us to get right up there and touch some trees. When the ground is exposed the root system, being so shallow, is too sensitive to withstand constant traffic. Yosemite is gorgeous!! We're definitely taking a vacation there again, can't wait to go camping and hiking.
Jason and I close on our house next friday the 28th! We sign papers in Spokane this monday and they get sent back to GB for the official date. It's almost ours!! We are able to take a short time off to get our crap moved in the last week in April and actually spend more than 30 minutes in the place. I've also been pouring over gardening mags and seed catalogues trying to get an idea of what I'm going to plant in the spring. Anyone wanting to come visit will have a guestroom, and I'll be there by myself for quite some time until J gets off the road so please come keep me company!
That is all for now, I've been procrastinating because I love being in my pajamas all day but I really need to get moving. Adios! | |
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| I've come to realize that I despise typing on my laptop. I miss a regular 'ole keyboard and a monitor at head level and this is the cause of my lack of posting. So, here's an update on the world of me.
Bad news first: Gramma isn't doing so well. The tour had a stop in Appleton, WI (for all intensive purposes, home) 2 weeks ago. The week before that Gramma was sent to the hospital and had a rough go for a few days. The doctor's got her stabilized and she came home. Last week she ended up in the hospital again, same deal. What happens is she isn't eating well, she's not hungry and that's because her body isn't running at full capacity anymore. Doc says that is normal but it causes such a severe drop in her potassium levels she gets sick and goes to the hospital. When they pump her with potassium fluid to bring the levels up she gets sicker-vomiting and the whole nine yards, very delusional and confused. They didn't think she would live through last monday but the tough old broad did. She came home wednesday and I also flew in from Detroit to see her, maybe for the last time becuase who knows what's going to happen? She's very weak, her heart is only pumping 20% as much as a normal heart (weak beat), but she's in good spirits although she gets confused easily. The family is taking turns staying the night with her and she is well cared for but we know and are learning to accept that she won't improve much, she is stable and that's that. I'm very glad I was able to get home and spend some quality time with her before she gets much worse. Doc said she could have anywhere from 2-6 months but he also said in his entire career he's never guessed right. It's a matter of limited time now, she's 84, it's the cycle of life and all we can hope is that she is comfortable and happy until then. I hate that I'm out here and can't be home to help more. I hate knowing that the next time I fly home may be the emergency flight to catch her before she slips away. It has been rough lately and I even snapped at Jason last night but he understands and didn't let it bother him. Truthfully, the snappy response I gave him for the question he asked was well deserved.
Good news: We bought a house the week we were in Appleton! The pot smoking, metal loving stagehands are moving into DoctorLawyerville :) We had the appraisal and inspection done, we've signed a bajillion papers and we close on March 28th. We're heading home April 23rd to move all our stuff into it and I'll be home for good on September 1st to live in it. The only bummer is there's no screens for all the beautiful windows downstairs and a lot of them don't open either. We'll get all that fixed when we paint the house next summer, dad and I can build the screens cheap too. Maybe I'll post pics later, we'll see how bored I get. It's a 2 story, 3 bedroom, 2 bath mission style home built in 1928 with the original hardwood floors throughout the whole place. Lots of character, enough of a yard to groove in but not too much, a porch over the former one stall garage attached to the house...it's perfect for what we were looking for.
Other news: Not too much. I missed all things goth in Detroit but got to hang with an old friend who had previously toured with us. We bowled at the country's oldest continuously running bowling alley. And I will stand by this until the day I die: Michigan has the WORST drivers in the nation. Including FL and CA, no matter what you tell me I can prove that MI has the worst drivers in America. Jason even agreed with me by the middle of our second week there. The Mamma Mia Mega Cast Change Over is happening this week, we also have the 6 year anniversary party on wednesday. Umm...not much else. Looking forward to being out of winter after next week. California here we come!
Take care, kids. I'm off to the bank. | |
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| The days continue to get more bizarre and varied. This last week marked many emotions from a plethora of events. I became quite ill with a sinus infection/cough, got meds and the best cough syrup ever, my sister's birthday is today, same day I find out a friend's Nana passed, I have been excited to get back to work, felt depressed a lot though, sang karaoke at a crazy going-away party, saw three friends leave the tour within a week...I guess there's been a lot going on both in and out of my little world.
The worst day was sunday. I got out of the shower and was greeted by Jason with "I have terrible news-the house is gone." Yes, the house that we had been pining over for 6 weeks was no longer listed. We could do nothing but sit and curse ourselves for not looking sooner, not moving fast enough but then realizing there really was nothing more we could've done to expedite the process. We trudged through the first show during which Jason called his mom to see what she knew about the situation. She drove by it and found out it is really still for sale! Whew! The online listings expire every 6 months and it has been on the market for that long. J called our agent today and no offers have been put on the house or anything, it's still there AND the price is reduced by $5000. We have showings there and at our two runner up homes next week, I'm very excited!
I am in Richmond, VA and we're going to have a crappy show week. It has only sold 30% so far which makes for miserable sales and disappointed actors. On thursday my sister comes to visit for the weekend, this is her birthday present and our Aunt Joyce, husband Allan, cousins Carl and Beth and Beth's kids will be joining us on friday/saturday. Should be fun! I think they want to head to a karaoke bar or something ridiculous like that. Oh, and drag brunch! Carl, whom we're 99% sure is gay but he hasn't come out, knows about a place that does drag brunch on sundays and it sounds just fun enough to go see.
That's about it. I do not like that I have to carry my phone around again, I enjoyed being phone-free for 5 weeks! Ah well, someday I'm going to ditch it and let work pay for my cell phone. Speaking of work, both the Weidner and The Meyer want me back to work with them next season. The respective bosses had a conversation on how to effectively share me, which is good and means I will have a job (maybe two) when I get home. Hello new furniture! - Location:Richmond, VA
- Music:A Life Less Lived-The Gothic Box Set
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| Hello US, goodbye Canada :( I will miss your poutine, strong beer, laid-back attitude, goth clubs and intelligent people. I know there's stupid people everywhere but it seems much less pronounced up there. I credit the news media for that, I did NOT miss being bludgeoned with "Holy shit everyone is going to DIE because the terrorism threat level is at ORANGE!" And Canadian airports do not constantly remind you about your liquid and gel restrictions, especially AFTER the security checkpoint. I will never, ever understand why I hear announcements regarding liquids and gels while I am waiting at the gate. I'm fairly certain that if someone didn't know about the rules they sure learned them at security and don't need to hear them again. Okay, enough rant. I will miss Canada but I will not miss its strict pour rules on liquor. Welcome back to the free-hand pour!
Also, welcome my new illness! I drove into work sunday night and thought my throat was only sore because of all the clubbing I did in Toronto (I had to basically scream to talk) but by the end of load out I couldn't swallow and my head was pounding. From 3pm sunday to 6pm monday I had 2 1/2 hours of sleep, factor in a very long travel day and that didn't help how I felt either. I slept from 6-10pm monday and 1am-12:30pm today so I'm rested but still feel like crap. Today is also my first day selling merch again, I can't really talk so I'm sure this will go exceedingly well. :)
My sister is coming to visit next week! We're in Richmond, near all the bio-dad's family, so everyone is coming to stay over the weekend. After that we're headed to Appleton and house shopping. 4 weeks after that marks the end of my winter!! Back to California and the Pacific Northwest! The tour will definitely be easier to handle when the weather improves, it should make my last 7 months go fast.
I would like to mention I attended my very first Fetish night in Toronto last saturday. I was quite the experience and something I was glad to have seen although I did not partake in any activities, I think it would've been a little strange do have done so without J there so I only observed. My "host" and new friend Cliff said the night was a bit more laid back than usual, that was okay with me. I didn't want to be overloaded right away.
I suppose I should take a shower and grab some food, hard to get moving again.... - Location:Waterbury, CT
- Mood:sick
 - Music:Ladytron-Detroy Everything You Touch
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| My list of activites from 9h00 Juendi (Thusrday) until 3h00 Vendredi (Friday):
Woke up
Toured Cirque du Soleil's world headquarters (reminded me waaaaay too much of Full Sail, all metal decor and random art)
Ate at the famous Schwartz's, awesome smoked meat sandwich
Napped
Went to see "Walk Hard, The Dewey Cox Story" with Angela
Saw lovely ladies at Les Chez Paree strip club
Posted to LJ
Sleep (soon!)
Quite the list, it was definitely the "Obsurdly Montreal" day. Tomorrow a walk around Old Montreal and a visit to the Notre Dame Basillica and another goth club! Oh, I went to one wednesday night and met a new friend, Martin. We had a great conversation all night, definitely good company, the club was also quality. Lots of interesting people, great dancers, awesome music. C'est tres bien!
Okay my lovelies, bon soir! Je suis tres fatigue! | |
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| Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons' best friend Richard Simmons? Family Guy quote and if you can tell me which episode you get a fabulous non-prize!
I just saw a Sweatin' to the Oldies commercial. A new one! I haven't seen one of those since I was in the fifth grade, I feel like I'm in a time warp. They finally put the things out on DVD for the next generation to sweat to even older oldies. Woo!
We had an awesome dinner last night at the Metropolitan Brasserie, fancy-schmantsy Parisian style. I love having a nice, expensive, quality dinner at a place like that. The food was so tasty, the wine was good, the staff was incredible, we laughed and had a really good time. Dinner lasted for 3 1/2 hours! After having a last drink at the bar we headed to the near by park to see the fireworks, and they didn't suck :) We thought most of the crew would be at this bar close to the hotel where we've hung out quite a bit but when we arrived it was only Joe, and we love Joe so hanging with him is always fun. Can I also add that I made a serious attempt and looked very much like a girl...a woman...last night? Weird!
Today is full of complete relaxation! I cleaned up our suite and got fresh towels but that's about it. It's snowing-again-and makes a good excuse to stay inside. Hot chocolate anyone?
Oh, and my resolution for 2008: be more patient and run the 10K Bellin run in June in Green Bay. That's it! | |
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| When I was at home packing all of my worldly possesions into a storage unit I came across my book of poetry. Renee gave me red velvet covered journal book with a picture of The Crow on it and I spent weeks rifling through all of my loose leaf poetry, much of it scribbled in fading pencil, placing it in chronological order and copying it by hand in ink into this book. There's roughly 8 years catalogued in it and I wonder what happened over the last 2 years of my life that I don't have inspiration to write anymore? Has a relative level of happiness stifled my creativity? Was my saddness and depression the only thing worth writing about? Or had I simply turned to alcohol and drugs for my outlet now? It used to be that when I felt like crap I'd lock myself in a room with a notebook and pencil, now I crack open a bottle. I think I've reached a point where my drinking is at a happy medium, I don't get shitfaced nearly as much as I used to and it feels good to say that.
My question is why am I happier? Most teenage depression and angst comes from having to build your character and find your niche in a complicated society-who am I? why am I here?-all those questions need a thorough analysis and sometimes you get to feeling worthless when you can't find the answers. Now, have I defined myself? Since high school I am more confident, is that it? I have a much more blatant "Fuck you if you don't like it" attitude, has that allowed me to be happier? I've found enjoyment in the darker side of life like at alternative clubs (goth, industrial, metal...), I love my stage hand job, I love that I get to travel so much right now, I have a great partner to share things with...everything is really good. Is this the result of my definition? Does this mean I'm happy and that's that? Or, like a lot of middle aged women, am I going to have another period of self definition and analysis that could hurtle me into depression down the road? Will not ever being a mother help or hurt in the long run?
I have such high hopes for the immediate future, all these plans Jason and I have laid out for our transition back to Green Bay, everything is riding on such a high right now. What else is going to make me happy? Doing more with my life? Or does simply knowing I have the financial ability and time to do more with my life good enough?
Many questions to ponder, or should I just revel in this better state until later? :) Things to ponder... - Location:Ottawa, ON
- Mood:contemplative
 - Music:Fumbling Towards Ecstacy-Sarah McLachlan
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| Ohhh...GRRR!!! Fuck you, you fukking "I can't keep anything logged in for more than 24 hours" cheap ass wire-fukking-less internet!!! Do you have any idea how long an entry like that takes to type? And then I get to lose the WHOLE DAMN THING because HOTEL WIRELESS SUCKS!!! Well, It's been 7 weeks since I've posted and now I remember why. Ugh! Grrr! Oh, forget it! I'll post in another 7 weeks when I'm over this disappointment. | |
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| Well, I met up with the new family in Norfolk about a week and a half ago. In conclusion, everything went well. Now for the details... I, of course, was a total dork before we left, asking Jason every minute or so "How do I look?" then walking around in turbo mode not remembering what I was doing because I was so anxious. He finally put a hand on me, told me I looked great and reminded me that we were late. That made me even more anxious and I practically ran out the door and to the car, he drove and I fidgeted the whole way. I felt like I had jello for knees as we crossed the street to the restaurant, grabbed J's hand and walked in. I noticed a table of people immediately turn their heads when I walked in, I didn't even need to ask because they waved me over knowing that I look just like my sister, and probably Leonard too (the "father"). The party: Beverly and Joyce, Leonard's sisters; Allan, Joyce's husband; Beth and Carl, Joyce's grown children-both older than me; and 3 year old Emily, Beth's daughter. Joyce got up and gave me a big hug right away, so did everyone else. No one had seen me since I was 9 months old so it was almost like being stared at for the first few minutes (which was expected, and I was staring back looking for common features and whatnot too!) We sat down and I was still jittery as we searched for common ground and conversation which didn't take long. We spent THREE hours talking, much to the dismay of the waitress, I'm sure :) Joyce is just like my Aunt Kathy, I know that Beverly and I are going to get along famously. I now know where I get my love for mathematics and technical dorkery, dark chocolate and whiskey. My chin is definitely from the Hillers side, my boobs too (the Arneson side has the "Big Boob Gene" that I'm so glad I missed out on), my sister got her thin fingers there and our long necks. We told stories of when I lived in Virginia, what everyone does for a living, other relatives I haven't met (there are a ton of cousins to meet), I filled them in on my entire life and what J and I have been up to (lots of questions) and other things too. It was a good experience and I'm glad I went, looking forward to the next visit already! | |
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| I'm watching some amazing lightning flash in with the rainstorm that's attacking Kansas City. These nice, big windows in the hotel room are great for viewing the entire sky. We went to a haunted house tonite and had birthday pumpkin pie for Jason early because I had access to an oven this week. Add a little bourbon and cherry coke to the sugar and cool whip and it means I'm still up at 4am. I need to get up at 11 am so I will try to go to bed soon, just had to share the beautiful lightning. I haven't watched a storm in so long! This is one of those nights you end up staying awake and talking all night with a good friend, those wonderful, thoughtful conversations that reminds you just what a great friend they are and that you do love them. I was fortunate to be able to share a lot of those moments with Jodi when we lived together, she will have a guy moving in with her soon and I realize I'm going to miss living with her. It always seemed that after this tour-no, the reality was that-if I wasn't engaged I would move back in with her, I am saddened to not have that opportunity anymore but extremely happy for her and her new love. I will have my own endeavors living with Jason too and can't wait until we can drink during happy hour and spend an entire night talking because we don't have to wake up for anything the next day.
Alas, I have to wake up yet today so off to bed. | |
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